Thanksgiving is upon us. And for a lot of people that means gathering in a small house with parents, siblings, cousins, in-laws, uncles, aunts, grandparents and neighbors… many of whom we maybe don't love being around for extended periods of time 🙂
In fact, I bet more than one person is reading this article right this very moment while seeking refuge in the bathroom… a bathroom that's being shared with six adults who need to get in RIGHT NOW WHAT'S TAKING SO LONG??!!!
Or maybe you are sitting in a living room watching relatives fight over the remote that controls a 35-inch television that seems to alternate between sixth hour of the "Today Show" and an extremely partisan news channel.
Perhaps you are being incessantly pestered by a nephew/niece to play hide-and-seek outside where the temperature currently sits at 42 degrees.
If you're like, me a well-meaning relative just remarked something along the lines of "wow, you've gained a bit of weight over COVID!"
If any of that sounds familiar, you have my deepest sympathy and understanding. I also have some advice to survive the holiday.
At any point when you feel stressed do the following:
Step 1: Close your eyes.
Step 2: Take a deep breath.
Step 3: Clear your head and manifest a business plan that allows you to host Thanksgiving next year. Not at your current home but at the following $50 million mansion in Palm Desert, California where it is currently 88 degrees:
If you find yourself owning the above mansion this time next year, here's what you can do to escape the holiday stress instead of hiding in a bathroom:
First off, if you still want to hide in a bathroom this home has TWELVE for you to choose from. So even if you have a dozen people over for Thanksgiving, you should still be able to find a private bathroom at any time.
Furthermore, the 20,600 square-foot mansion has seven bedrooms which virtually guarantees no one will be sleeping on an air mattress on the floor of your room. As the owner of this mansion you'll be sleeping in a luxurious private master bedroom that has panoramic views of the desert, a private outdoor spa, fireplace and a double bathroom.
The property spans eight acres, so you can hide your most annoying guests far away in the guest pavilion which has four bedroom suites, its own kitchen and lounge area.
Need to decompress? Head to the aquarium tunnel which comes pre-stocked with a dozen exotic fish and a rare standalone shark tank. Or go stare at your custom Dale Chihuly glass sculpture.
Need to cool off from the 90-degree temps? Take a dip in one of THREE interlocking pools.
The garage's 15 parking spots will ensure that there won't be any fighting over prime parking spaces and no one will need to move their car for you to get out of the driveway.
Finally, if somehow you do need a break from your $50 million mansion, the property is located within the world-famous Bighorn private/gated golf club. So you can escape for a day playing 18 holes of golf then downing 5-6 beers in the clubhouse before riding your golf cart home.
If someone does actually manifest the above life by next year, can I get an invite for Thanksgiving? Happy to stay in the guest suite and I swear I will not be annoying at all.