In today’s tumultuous economy, getting filthy rich is tougher than ever. Luckily, some people have come up with a perfect formula for wealth and fame: just marry a rich person, and then completely screw that person over! Like the carpool lane on the highway of success, gold digging is a fast track to wealth and notoriety. Here are 7 gold diggers who have defined this exciting new entrepreneurial opportunity:

Heather Mills - 7 Famous Gold Diggers

Heather Mills

Heather is the one-legged ex-wife of former Beatle Paul McCartney. To be fair, Heather wasn’t a complete nobody before she married Sir Paul in 2002. She’s a former British model, and she even started her own modeling agency in the ’80s. She didn’t come from complete obscurity, but she definitely wasn’t a millionaire until she divorced Paul in 2006 and made off with $48 Million of his money. That sounds like a buttload of money to you and me, but Heather was actually disappointed with the settlement, since she was trying to get almost $250 Million. Heather’s extremely active with a wide range of charities, but if she’s taught us anything, it’s that you should never trust a disabled person.

The Girls Next Door

Holly Madison, Bridget Marquardt, and Kendra Wilkinson were introduced in 2005 as Hugh Hefner’s “girlfriends” on the television program The Girls Next Door. It was pretty obvious right from the start that there was no way in hell these gorgeous, airheaded blondes were actually Hef’s girlfriends in the traditional sense, because there’s absolutely no way that those three hot chicks would be able to bed down with that leathery sack of formaldehyde and Viagra. Instead, they were using him, just like every playboy model who’s dated Hef has ever done, as a path to personal fame and fortune. Their plan worked like a charm, too, because all three have since launched successful solo “being a pretty girl with tits” careers.

The Girls Next Door

Vanessa Bryant

Kobe Bryant salary was already a pro basketball player when he met Vanessa, who was 17 years old at the time. Even though she hadn’t graduated high school yet, she decided to marry Kobe, so in classic gold digger form, she dropped out of high school to marry a rich professional athlete. In 2003, Kobe (supposedly) raped a girl in Colorado. Surprisingly, Vanessa stood by his side, thanks in part to a $4 Million diamond ring that Kobe apologized with. Kobe and Vanessa never signed a prenup before they were married, so Kobe likely saved a fortune with that diamond ring.

Vanessa and Kobe Bryant

K-Fed

Gold Digging: it’s not just for the ladies anymore! Case in point: Kevin “That one guy” Federline. K-Fed was a back-up dancer for Britney Spears. That’s all he was. Then July 2004 came around, and Kevin had the busiest month of his life. In one month, Kevin separated from his wife (just days after she gave birth to his second child) and started dating Britney. Three months later, Kevin and Britney were married in an awkward, ridiculously rushed ceremony. Within two years, Kevin and Britney had two hopelessly doomed children, and a month later Britney filed for a divorce. Kevin got sole custody of the kids because she’s completely batshit crazy, and now Britney has to pay K-Fed $20k a month in child support. That’s more than enough to pay for a good babysitter.

Kevin Federline Bling Bling

Anna Nicole Smith

Anna Nicole Smith was working as a stripper in Texas when she met oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall, who was 63 years older than her. Regardless of their staggering age difference, Anna fell madly in love with Howard(‘s bank account), and the two were married. Howard died 13 months later, but didn’t leave any money to Anna in his will, so Anna went to court against Howard’s son in an effort to snag a piece of his $1.6 Billion estate. One judge initially rewarded her with half-a-billion dollars, and then another judge said she was entitled to nothing. The case dragged on for over a decade, even reaching the Supreme Court, but Anna died of a drug overdose at 39 before she could see the end of the debacle. Not bad for a high school dropout turned stripper, though. Not bad at all.

Anna Nicole Smith Billionaire Kiss

Kimora Simmons

Okay, so Kimora isn’t a Gold Digger in the traditional sense. She didn’t just marry a rich dude and try to get at his money. Instead, she married a rich dude and took over his fashion empire. Kimora’s ex-husband, Russell Simmons, is the founder of Def Jam (the record label that founded Hip Hop) and the Phat Farm clothing line. The two met in 1992, dated for 6 years, got married, had two kids, and got divorced 6 years later. While they maintain an amicable relationship, Kimora has taken over the Phat Farm clothing line, started her own reality TV show, and made a name for herself as a bitchy CEO. She’s making her own fortune now, but without Russell, she’d be nothing more than a gigantic, washed up, bi-racial fashion model.

Kimora Lee Simmons House

David Furnish

Many of you may not know who David Furnish is, and that’s because he’s a completely insignificant human being to everyone except for Elton John, who is David’s partner. Furnish was in advertising until he met Elton John in 1993, and the two began a relationship. Shortly thereafter, David quit his job and chose to take the Gold Digger route and just live off of Elton John’s fortune. He’s often listed as a filmmaker and director, but nobody has ever seen any of his movies, and the most popular ones are about Elton John. If videotaping people you live with counts as being “a filmmaker”, then my dad is the most prolific Christmas Morning and Birthday Party filmmaker of the past 30 years.

Written by Justin Thomas